Understanding Feelings
Genuine Apologies
Author, Amy Wade, explains that requiring children to apologize is usually not effective.
She suggests that children need coaching in order to be more genuine with their apologies. Ms. Wade advises that the teacher does not have to facilitate the apology process right away. It helps to acknowledge the conflict, to address the children individually, and give them (and you) time to "cool off." She recommends giving children phrases to help them with initiating and apology such as, "I am sorry. That was my fault." The author also recommends creating a repetoire of phrases for receiving an apology such as, "Thank you for telling me."
I think that most children (and adults) would benefit from the apology strategies offered in this article. Cue cards with the phrasing options may be helpful when I coach my students.
Teaching Self-Calming Skills
Author, Jessica Minahan, explains that although all children benefit from self-calming skills, there are some children for whom these skills are essential for their social and academic success. She describes three components in the acquisition of self-calming skills:
- Teach the children to identify their emotions. Helpful Tools: Emotional Thermometer and Body Check
- Teach the children self-calming strategies such as: reading a book, deep breathing, listening to music, drawing, and stretching.
- Remind the children to practice the self-calming strategies.
Emotions Color Wheel
This is a great interactive color wheel graphic that is labeled with dozens of emotion words (calm, relaxed, happy, jolly, etc.) The words are grouped in color segments with similar words in the same regions. Click on a word, and you will see not only its definition, but a photograph of a person's face demonstrating the emotion.
A Conflict Resolution Protocol for Elementary Classrooms
This "Responsive Classroom" article offers a conflict resolution model. The process involves 4 steps:
- Calm Down Time
- Explanation of the Upset
- Discussion and Resolution
- Acknowledgement
The protocol for the "I Message" is explained: "When you _________, I feel __________, because ________, so what I would like is ___________________."
A Quiet Place for Rough Moments
There are times when a child needs a quiet place to manage his/her feelings. It is important to discuss the procedure when using the quiet place. It is also important for the teacher to model going to, using and returning from the quiet space. Author, Deborah Porter, offers additional tips:
- Be clear on what you will and will not allow in space.
- Discuss how long to stay in space.
- Make sure children do not use space to avoid something.
- Watch for children who may be reluctant to use quiet space. You may need to bring calming activities to them.
- Have plan in place for children who are too upset to use quiet place.
What to Do About Tattling
The author, Margaret Berry Wilson, offers valuable advice for teaching children how and when to voice their concerns about the behaviors of others. The "tattling" interruptions, that so many of us experience, will decrease if children are taught strategies for making judgements about behavioral situations and reporting when necessary.
Positive Discipline Focuses on a Culture of Learning
Kentucky's Jefferson County School District uses non-punitive measures to encourage good behavior.
"This strategy changes teachers from being punitive to really helping kids -- and adults too -- examine why something happened, and then consider what we can do to make it right and to make sure it doesn't happen again," says Penny Deatrick, principal of Jefferson County's Chenoweth Elementary School.
When Children Are Defiant
Author Margaret Berry Wilson offers constructive tips to avoid power struggles. She suggests students are often defiant to show their significance. Berry Wilson explains that teachers do not win power struggles. "But teachers never win power struggles. Once you're in one, you've lost. And so has the child: No one wins a power struggle. The more you proactively give children constructive ways to experience personal power, the more cooperative they'll be."